I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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