This girl is more easily done than said...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
