it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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