What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
