i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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