Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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