there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
