I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
