I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
