It was confusing and full of hummus
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
