My cat gives me a boner
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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