Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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