id be glad to
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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