i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
