let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
