My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
