Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
