if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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