I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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