I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
