I wanna bring you to show and tell
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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