I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My hand turned me down
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
