Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
