It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
