Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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