turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
