as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
