Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
