If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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