I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I smell like Dick and happiness
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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