:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
