How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
