I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
