It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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