3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
someone owes me an orgasm
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
