I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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