When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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