I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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