So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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