he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
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My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize