im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
