$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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