can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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