i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
