I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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