yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
