Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
