i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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