I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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