hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
