Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
