I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
