Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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