so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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