I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
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hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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