some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
