I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
