Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
