he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
