matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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