She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
