her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
