grandma shit on top of the toilet
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your penis caused this!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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