Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
