The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
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I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize