in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
