I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
