i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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