went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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