I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
