I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
