They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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