i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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