I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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