And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My life is pants optional.
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