i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
