Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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