He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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