i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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