It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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