clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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