I cockslap morals
and you said cock pushups were impossible
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
