never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
