so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
