Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
