Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
