so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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