Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
