I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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