do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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