no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I didn't shave. On purpose
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
