I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
